


Helpless

by thekindworthreading



Series: Jamilton Month 2020 [21]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jamilton Month 2020, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Phobias
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 09:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24847360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekindworthreading/pseuds/thekindworthreading
Summary: Thomas wants to make the perfect proposal, but of course nothing goes according to plan.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson
Series: Jamilton Month 2020 [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1773895
Comments: 6
Kudos: 93





	Helpless

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Jamilton Month day 21 - Phobia so it´s not even my fault that it´s angsty

“Where are we going?“, Alex asks for what has to be the millionth time – and it has only been a 30 minute drive.

Thomas would be annoyed, wouldn´t he be so nervous and distracted.

“You´ll see soon enough.”, Thomas gives back, and Alex just groans.

“Will you tell me if I give you a blowjob?”, he asks.

Thomas can feel Alex placing his hand dangerously high on his thigh and pushes it away again.

“You will absolutely _not_ give me a blowjob while I´m driving.”

A glance to the side shows Alex is pouting, and Thomas has to do his best not to smile fondly at him.

“You are absolutely no fun.”, he grumbles.

This time Thomas can´t help but laugh, which only causes Alex to cross his arms in front of his chest as he stares out of the window, but there is the tiniest of smiles on his face. Thomas finds himself almost overwhelmed with love and can´t help reaching over, nudging Alex´ face with his hand.

“Don´t pout, you´ll only look ugly when you´re old.”

“Asshole.”

“Behave.”

“Oh, fuck you.”, Alex gives back, but now he is smiling brightly at Thomas.

Alex starts singing along to a song on the radio and Thomas has to try really hard to look at where he is driving. He is almost helplessly in love, which fills him with equal amounts of wonder and anxiety. 

They arrive at their destination some time later and after Thomas has found a parking spot, they get out of the car. Alex looks around suspiciously, before turning back to Thomas.

“Where _are_ we?”, he asks. “And _what_ are we doing here?”

Thomas just smiles at him sweetly and takes his hand.

“You´ll see.”

He is amazed that Alex hasn´t yet picked up how nervous he is, but at the same time he is glad about it. It´s mostly a good kind of nervousness, but there is this little part in the back of his head that tells him that he about to make a big mistake that will cause him to lose Alex forever. He looks over at the smaller man, who is oblivious to what´s happening in Thomas´ head right now, talking about god knows what.

“I love you.”, Thomas says suddenly, and Alex stops in the middle of his sentence.

He turns his head and looks at him like he´s lost his mind.

“I know. I love you too. Why are you acting so weird?”

Thomas could hit himself.

“What do you mean? Can´t I tell my incredible handsome and smart boyfriend that I love him?”

Alex grins.

“You can do that, but usually you don´t when I´m talking shit about your newest plan for work.”

 _Oh._ So that was what he was talking about.

“I did get you to stop though, didn´t I?”

Alex chuckles.

“Fair point.”

He nudges Thomas with his elbow, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Where are we going?”

Thomas sighs, leading him to the entrance of a skyscraper.

“You´ll see, be patient.”

Alex lets out a dramatic groan at that ,as he follows his boyfriend into the building. He looks around curiously, while Thomas walks up to the reception desk. Thomas´ heart is still beating loud and fast in his chest and he feels a bit lightheaded with how nervous he is.

“Thomas Jefferson.”, he says to the man at the reception. “I think we talked on the phone?”

The man nods and gives them a bright smile.

“Yes, you can just follow me to the elevator sirs, everything is ready.”

He rounds the desk and indicates them to follow him down the hall.

“What are we doing here?”, Alex whispers, clutching Thomas´ arm with both hands.

“Patience.”, is all Thomas says, doing his best to hide his smile.

They enter the elevator and the receptionist uses his key and presses the button for the highest level.

“Good luck.”, he tells them, and Thomas feels his heart skipping a beat, but still smiles back at him.

“What did he mean with ´good luck´?”, Alex asks as soon as the elevator doors close behind them.

Thomas shrugs.

“No idea.”, he lies.

Alex is about to question him further, so Thomas leans forward, shutting him up with a kiss. Alex hesitates for a moment, before he returns the kiss, letting go of Thomas´ hand to wrap his arms around his neck. Thomas takes a step back from him when he feels the elevator coming to a stop, and Alex rolls his eyes at him.

“I don´t think you even notice how weird you are acting today.”, Alex chuckles, stepping out of the elevator.

Thomas _knows_ how weird he has been acting, but until now he had hoped Alex hadn´t noticed. He follows him, watching as Alex takes in the place with wide eyes. Weeks ago, Thomas had rented this place for the day; a romantic restaurant on the top of a skyscraper with a glass balcony overlooking the busy city underneath them.

“It looks amazing.”, Alex says, turning around to face Thomas. “How come it is empty?”

Thomas chuckles nervously, taking Alexander´s hand and leading him to a table.

“I rented it for today. We´ll be all alone and can enjoy the view without anyone else interrupting us.”

Alex shakes his head in awe as they take step on the glass, and is about to say something, when he suddenly stops. His breath hitches and the grip on Thomas´ hand tightens.

“Baby, what´s wrong?”, Thomas asks almost immediately, watching with growing worry as Alex´ face loses all his colour.

“I am apparently afraid of heights.”, Alex says with a panicked laugh. “Fuck.”

“What?”, Thomas asks dumbly, completely out of his depth.

Alex presses his eyes closed, trying and failing to take measured breaths, while his whole body starts to shake.

“Thomas get me away from here! Fuck, do something!”, he cries.

Thomas nods numbly, waking up from his stupor and guides Alex to the elevator, impatiently pressing the button for it to open.

“It´s alright Alex, we´ll just go back down. You´re okay.”, he says, with what he hopes is a calming voice.

After what feels like hours, the elevator doors finally open and Alex stumbles inside. Thomas helps him to sit down, crouching beside him and gently stroking his hair and face, while whispering soft encouragements to him.

Thomas feels like crying, both because it hurts him to see his boyfriend scared, which is indirectly caused by him, and because this was supposed to be the perfect day. He manages to keep his emotions to himself and mainly concentrate on calming Alex down.

When the elevator comes to a halt, Thomas helps Alex to his feet again, supporting him on his way out. Alex is still trembling, and Thomas gently rubs his back. He sees the receptionist getting up, but shakes his head at him, signalling him to leave them alone.

“Do you need to sit down again, or do you want to go outside and get some air?”, Thomas asks quietly.

Alex looks a bit lost, the panic still clear in his face, but finally he whispers a soft “outside”. Thomas leads him outside, walking down the road, that´s leading into a small park, where he has Alex sit down on a park bench. The younger man closes his eyes and leans his head against Thomas´ shoulder, taking deep breaths. Now that Thomas doesn´t have to actively focus on getting Alex to calm down, he feels the disappointment starting to rise inside of him. He is still close to crying, his throat tight and he hates himself for feeling that way. He should be there for Alex and not wallow in self-pity.

“I´m sorry that I destroyed this date. You must have spent a fortune on renting that place.”, Alex mumbles after some time.

Thomas shakes his head, his heart breaking a bit.

“It´s okay. I don´t care about the money. Are you feeling better?”

Alex nods and rakes a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, I guess. Still a bit shaken, but it´s fine. I´m fine.”

“Good. That´s good. I´m glad.”

He gives Alex a smile, but it feels forced and his boyfriend seems to see right through it.

“Thomas, what´s the matter? I can pay for it, if it´s such a big deal.”

This time, Thomas can´t stop the tears from running down his cheeks, and he angrily wipes them away.

“God, Alex, I don´t care about the fucking money I…”, his voice breaks. “I wanted to make this perfect and I didn´t even know you were afraid of heights-“

“I didn´t know either, sweetheart. It´s alright.”, Alex says, reaching up to cup Thomas´ face, but he just shakes his head, brushing his boyfriend´s hands away.

“It´s not alright. I wanted to propose to you and I didn´t know that and-“

“Wait.”, Alex interrupts him once more. “Say that again.”

“I… what?”, Thomas asks, staring at Alex confused, before he realises what he had just said. “That´s not how it was supposed to go. I-”

“Ask now.”

Thomas shakes his head.

“That´s not how it was supposed to go.”, he repeats.

“I don´t care. Ask me now, Thomas.”, Alex insists.

Thomas searches for a lie in his face, but when he doesn´t find one, he clears his throat and gets up, Alex following suit. He feels his heart picking up speed again as he reaches into the pocket of his suit pants and takes out a small ring box. He looks down at it for a moment, before his eyes find Alex again, who gives him an encouraging smile. Thomas takes a deep breath, before he gets down on one knee in front of Alexander, opening the box and showing him the ring.

“Alexander Hamilton, I love you. I… I´m sorry that today went like this, and that shows that plans always change, but I don´t want our love to change. I want to have this until we are both old and you´ll be ugly, because you pout that much.” Alex chuckles at that and lets out a quiet “hey”, which causes Thomas to smile at him, before continuing. “My point is, I never want to let you go, I can´t imagine my life without you, so will you marry me?”

Alex nods, whispering a soft “yes”, while tears run down his face. Thomas feels almost lightheaded with joy as he gets up and slips the ring onto Alexander´s finger, before kissing him. Like far away he hears a few people clapping and cheering, but all that he cares about is right here in his arms, and that´s everything he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and let me know what you thought of it in the comments, they always make my day :)  
> You can also stalk me on tumblr @whatdidimissjm  
> If you like my writing you can also buy me a coffee! https://ko-fi.com/whatdidimissjm ♡


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